


Forever and Always

by latchlovehours



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 18:43:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19469881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latchlovehours/pseuds/latchlovehours
Summary: " I love you Scott Moir, Forever and Always"





	Forever and Always

You know it’s time to go, time to leave his house, his presence. You’ve been around him all day and while it’s been everything you’ve wanted and more you know it has to end. it always has to end.

You can’t have him in the way you want so you’ll take these one offs every chance you get- today is one of those days. 

You’ll feel him around you for a week after this, at least. It’ll startle you and catch you off guard and send you through a treacherous sea of emotions all at once you won’t know what to feel when it happens. 

There’ll be dark days where you won’t want to get out of bed because you want to see him so badly and others where you kick ass and pretend he doesnt exist just like you know how- you’re an expert at compartmentalizing. You just wish the kick ass days were more often then the dark ones. 

So, sitting here in his living room, looking at him with way too much adoration in your eyes, you know it’s time to go. Your time is up, time to take what you’ve got and get out. 

“Hey, I’m so sorry but I think I’m going to go. Today has been wonderful and it’s been so good to see you I hope Your next trip-“ you start rambling and there is no sign of stopping so you’re thankful that he cuts you off before you embarrass yourself any further.

“Woah woah kiddo slow down” he laughs “ it was really great to see you” he says as he reaches for your hand “let me walk you out.” 

He walks you to the door still holding your hand, fingers interlocked and god the money you would pay to be able to hold his hand like this forever. 

You let go when you reach the door and are about to grab your purse when you look up to say goodbye and he’s giving you this look. It’s a look you don’t deserve. It’s full of love and admiration and happiness and you want to cry looking at him. 

You give him a small smile and are about to say goodbye again when he throws you off guard and blurts out, “happy one year, Tess. It’s been one hell of a ride, but I wouldn’t have wanted to be beside anyone else.. Truly. I hope you know that.” He blushes at the end and your heart soars at the sight.

This moment is when you make up your mind and decide it’s now or never. You’ve got to lay it all on the line. So you take a breath and jump off the metaphorical cliff, hoping you land safely in the water, not among the rocks. 

If history repeats itself though, its always, always among the rocks.

You go up to him, without warning, letting the alarm bells go off in your head because you need this, need to let him know you’re still here, still ready, still waiting- like you have been for years.

So you throw caution to the wind and wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him hard, pouring all the emotion you’ve felt this last year into him. The sadness, the longing, the need, and the love. The undying, forever burning a hole in your heart love that you feel for this man, all into one kiss, because it’s all you have left to show him how you feel, even though you know it’s not enough. 

He hesitates and your heart starts to sink into your stomach and those alarm bells are getting louder and louder and you just want to scream at him to give this to you, please, you need this to survive, need this one little thing to get you through this next year without him.

Then all of the sudden he kisses you back with the same intensity you’re giving him and every single thing in your world, for a split second, finally seems right. 

You don’t know how long it lasts, but once the tears start flowing down your face you know it’s been long enough, probably too long.

He’s got a girlfriend and you’re just the skating partner. Skating partner. After all these years you just can’t seem to get that through your head because you know, and he knows, you’ve never just been ‘the skating partner’.

So when you pull away, body flushed red, eyes blurry with tears, cheeks wet, nose running and heart on the floor, you know you’ve given him all you can. There is nothing left, you’re completely empty, You’ve given him absolutely everything in you.

He holds you close anyway, doesn’t let you pull away quite yet. His hands are resting on your hips, shaking slightly. 

You can tell he’s trying not to cry while he looks at your face. His eyes are red rimmed and glassy as hes trying to memorize every last inch of you while he can because you both know you aren’t going to be seeing much each other for a while, if it all- not unless something changes. 

Which at this point, doesn’t seem likely. He tucks a hair behind your ear with a shaky hand, then rests it on your cheek and you instinctively lean into his touch, always have, always will. 

You stand there silent, eyes closed, until he mutters “you’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen Tessa Jane.” 

You feel the newest crack in your heart as soon as he finishes his sentence. Just another crack to add to the others after all these years. You can’t control your emotions anymore and let out a sob and are full on crying now and there is nothing you can do to stop it- you haven’t let yourself feel this intensely in months and it’s all coming out now. 

You need him, want him so, so badly it’s going to end up killing you one day. 

But you don’t get to have him because he’s moved on and is happy and because you love him so much you won’t, would never take that away from him. 

You’ll get him for a tour this coming fall instead, a tour which you know will go fine because you’ll both plaster on smiles and make the world fall in love with your fake love story all over again. The love will be there, tangible even, while you’re skating on the ice with him. 

But after each number you’ll go and puke your guts out and cry until it’s time to get ready for the next performance of the night. 

It’ll be absolute torture night after night but you’ll get to be his and he’ll be yours for an hour on the ice every night and that’ll just have to be enough to get you through. 

skate, puke, smile, repeat. 

Skate, puke, smile, repeat.

It’ll wear you down though, you’ll get sick and stop eating, start falling apart at the seams and no one will notice (not even him) until it’s too late. And then one night you’ll collapse on the ice and give Scott and the entire figure skating world the greatest scare of their life while deciding right then and there you’ve had enough and are too sick to continue. You’ll pull the plug on everything. 

It won’t matter that you’ll loose thousands of dollars and probably ruin every relationship you’ve ever had with the people involved in the tour, because you’ll have already lost the most important person in your life, so nothing else really matters. 

But you don’t want to think about that now, about worst case tour scenarios because everything will be fine. For right now you just want to remember the feeling of his hand on your hip and on your cheek, the feeling of your lips on his and want to remember what it’s like to be at peace before your world, for what seems like the millionth time this year, comes crashing down around you. 

When he finally breaks the silence that’s overtaken the room during your daydream and asks “why, Tess? Why now?” Is when you’re brought out of your daze and are snapped back to reality. 

You basically jump out of his arms and it startles the both of you. He instinctively reaches out for you again but brings his arms back to his sides shamefully when he realizes what he’s done, or more precisely, what he tried to do, what he’s been trained to do for years.

He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out and there’s a lengthy pause before you know that it’s too much, being here with him, in his house on the one year anniversary of your last Olympic gold and best day of your goddamn life is all too much. 

So, you wipe your tears with the back of your hand and it doesn’t help much because the tears keep flowing no matter how much you will them to stop. 

Instead you stand up straight, take a deep breath and look him straight in the eyes and say “why? Because a year ago today I had everything I’d ever wanted, and for a minute or two I wanted it all back, wanted to feel whole again.” 

Because you never know when you’re going to have that feeling back again. 

You make sure to leave that part out. It hurts too much.

You don’t wait for his reaction, don’t wait for him to break down and start to cry and for him to start saying things he doesn’t mean (anymore) because you know it’s going to happen and if you don’t leave right now, you’re never going to be able to be in the same room as him ever again-nevertheless be able to step on the ice with him by your side. 

So you turn, grab your bag, and just as you’re about to walk through his door you stop, giving into your instincts once again and allow yourself to turn towards him and say, one final time “I love you Scott Moir, forever and always.” 

You hear both of your hearts break and a gut wrenching sob release from his body as you walk towards your car and he collapses onto the stairs behind him. 

You get in, turn the key, back out of his driveway and out of his life. 

The walls around your heart go back up and are locked tight, with the key left on his doorstep.

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry, im feeling angsty.
> 
> come yell at me on twitter @moremoir 
> 
> (no i have not given up on mistakes we made and words we didnt say, just having months long writers block!)


End file.
